Another heartfelt post. Sorry to those that are here for recipes but this is a trying time at our house.
I spoke to Cole this morning – like a heart-to-heart talk. He said he has no friends. The kid has social cue issues so I asked why he thought that. He explained how on the playground they play kickball. he asks to play on Team A and they say no. He asks Team B and they say no and it goes back and forth. I’d shrug it off BUT….. I saw it first hand. I went to field fun day for his end-of-year third grade. They had different stations set up. The one teacher was trying to make teams and chose 2 captains and they picked out teams. Guess who was left to last? My heart dropped when I saw this! I thought this practice was stopped along time ago! I was ALWAYS picked last and NOT because I was unathletic because I was VERY athletic and honestly, very good at any sport I tried. To know this still allow this horrible practice which blatantly shows kids how much others value them is just horrible. So, I know how he feels on a daily basis as this goes on. I asked about specific kids who I thought he was okay with and he said they specifically say no to him. My heart dropped but I couldnt let him know how badly this hurts me.
I asked him if he thought I was an okay person. I asked what he thought of his father. What about cousin Stephen? All of struggled immensely with peer relationships. I told him how I would read a book or play an educational game alone every day in elementary school. I said how much better it was for me in middle school as I was able to be in honors classes and the kids accepted me more as they themselves were “outcasts” too.
The difference between us? I get social cues. I have a filter and know what NOT to say to others. He is missing that filter. He doesnt mean to be mean or rude but sometimes, he is just because he’s honest. Know how little kids will point out fat person as you bury yourself in hopes they didnt hear? He’s 9 and I still deal with that. We try and work on that part with him (at least I do) but i can’t make other kids like him. It’s heart-breaking seeing your child hurt like that especially when you lived through it and you know horrible it really is.
This is a poem I wrote when I was 18-ish about my elementary school days. I used to sit alone at recess under this tree on a bench reading (2nd-4th grade in that playground). So yeah, I get where he is but don’t know what to do about it except make sure he understands it’s okay to different. It’s okay to not fit in at one place. That we love him completely & accept him and that God made him exactly as God wanted him to be.
Under the Tree
Sometimes, I wish I were blind
Unable to see the faces of distaste
The snickering grimaces
The piercing stares.
Sometimes, I wish I were deaf
Unable to hear their comments
And the reaction of others to them
The laughs that made me cry.
Sometimes, I wish I were invisible
To be an unreminder of my existence
To never bother anyone
To avoid the abuse.
Sometimes, I wish children weren’t so cruel
Maybe then I’d be less callous
Maybe then I wouldn’t ever have been called cold-hearted
Maybe I should have cared less about them and more about me.